Every member of the BAU was dragging their feet around the Los Angeles field office. The sweltering heat and no leads had really brought spirits down. The last two days of the team being in California, it had been over a hundred degrees everyday, with it cooling to a whole eighty degrees after 9pm or so.
Right now, most of the precinct had emptied out other than the team and police captain, as it was almost 10 pm. Though not any less cooler than four hours ago.
JJ and Emily were practically on top of each other despite the heat, attempting to act like they're looking over pictures of the most recent crime scene. They had both shucked off their outer layers, instead sitting in their suit pants and undershirts. Emily had her hair tied in a ponytail, with her head laying on her girlfriend's shoulder. JJ’s hair laid over her opposite shoulder, and her arm was around Emily.
Rossi was sitting on the other side of the table, with his feet up on the table. He had a case file on his outstretched legs and was actually reading it, though with much less scrutiny than usual. Leaving his suit jacket hanging over the back of his chair, he sat in his dress shirt and slacks with his sleeves rolled up and the top button unclasped. His glasses sat low on his nose, after having given up pushing them back toward his eyes every five seconds.
Derek was the least shameless of them all, practically panting and sitting in front of the only fan in the room. He, unlike everyone else, was not reading or otherwise doing anything relating to the case and was instead scrolling on his phone. Never wearing a blazer anymore, he instead had untucked his t-shirt and rolled up his pants. He had also attempted to take off his shoes, but was denied by everyone in favor of their noses.
Reid was actually doing something, which was pinning up pictures and marking locations on a large map for the geographical profile. He pushed his shaggy hair back with a black headband stolen from Emily, though declaring it was because he needed it cut and couldn’t see, not because of the heat. He had shed the least clothes other than Hotch, only removing his sweater vest.
Being the team leader, Hotch had not derobed anything, instead pacing in his full getup. He had tried unsuccessfully to get the team working again, with very little reciprocation. But, just because he hadn’t discarded anything didn’t mean he wasn’t absolutely dying of heat.
In reality, it was because of dysphoria.
Aaron was a trans man, and had been for a long time. The only person on the team who knew that however, was Rossi. And that was only because he had met Hotch as Erin, not Aaron. He had taken testosterone since he was 24, and had binded way before that. Because of that, it wasn’t obvious from the outside, under his pressed suits and loose t-shirts. Getting top surgery wasn’t in the cards years ago, mostly because of getting married right out of highschool and having a kid, money was already tight. Not to mention finding a doctor he trusted enough.
The only reason Aaron had not gotten top surgery yet was because he couldn’t take the time off. How would he explain 1-2 months of absence where he could barely move his arms?
Despite having a binder, and wearing layers of clothes daily, Hotch couldn’t pass in his eyes. All he saw were his curvy hips, large chest, rounded face, wide eyes, small hands, big lips. Everything.
The case they were on didn’t help either. They had been called in because of two boys being found in a dumpster. They were at most 12. Fully clothed, thankfully, but covered in blood and strangled. They looked like Jack, with blond hair and blue eyes. Aaron had to practically flee after seeing them because he was tearing up.
Spencer, his lovely boyfriend of a year, tried his absolute hardest to comfort Aaron without giving anything away. Shoulder touches, a hand on his back while passing by him, grasping his hand under the table.
Aaron hadn’t told him yet. And it was eating at him. They hadn’t gotten any farther than rough kissing, and Reid had backed off immediately after he had tensed up. But he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Guilty he couldn’t take the next step because of his body. His hatred of himself. The only person who had seen him was Haley, which was a complete accident.
God, he felt like a wreck. It was too hot, his back hurt, he was exhausted, no leads, his stomach hurt-
“-ron, Aaron!” Oh, Rossi was shaking his shoulder.
“Yeah, Dave?” He said, awareness suddenly flooding back in. He blinked a couple extra times, and saw Rossi in front of him, a hand on his shoulder. The team was all standing now, worriedly hovering a few feet away.
“We lost you a bit. It’s almost midnight, and we’re not getting anywhere. We should pack it up.” Rossi suggested softly, and the rest of the team clearly agreed by the dark circles and sweat-soaked foreheads.
“Pack it up, guys. There’s no new leads, and we clearly can’t focus like this. Meet back here at 9 sharp, please.” Hotch muttered, rubbing his face, and patting Rossi on the shoulder with a look of ‘leave it’.
“Finally. Man, I’m gonna strip when we get back.” Morgan threw an arm in the air, practically jumping up and down at the prospect.
“TMI, much?” Emily muttered, slapping Derek on the back of the head while passing him.
“Hey! I’ll have you know-“ Derek’s words slowly floated down the hallway, following Emily to one of the cars, JJ not far behind and too tired to deal with anything else other than a shower and her bed.
Rossi was milling around still, not so subtly watching Hotch and Reid pick up. He liked closing up their space at the end of the night, making sure everything was in order for the next morning.
Hotch had just finished shoving a couple last files into his bag and came to stand by Rossi. Reid was finishing placing a couple pins in and both older men knew it would be a few minutes.
“Hey, you okay Aaron?” Rossi asked, stepping a little closer to the slightly shorter man.
“I’m fine, Dave. The heat just got to me, that’s all.” Aaron replied, flashing a small grin that Rossi knew was fake.
“Okay, okay. Just- let Reid take care of you, okay?”
“Fine.”
Despite Aaron knowing Rossi had no idea about him and Spencer, he knew Rossi was just trying to help. Aaron and Spencer had shared a hotel room on cases for years now, because only Spence could rival Hotch’s sleepless nights during cases.
———
Spencer and Aaron were the last two out of the precinct, Rossi leaving after seeing the two youngest would take longer than he was willing to wait.
“Give me the keys.” Reid said to Aaron, reaching a hand into his boyfriend’s suit pocket and grabbing the keys.
“Hey!” Aaron gasped quietly, smiling almost bashfully. The two dropped their bags in the back seat, and Reid hopped in the driver’s seat.
The drive to the hotel was uneventful, which was weird for the two of them.
Aaron almost always talked about the case, or what the leading theory he had was. It was almost concerning Spencer on how silent he was.
They got to the hotel, Spencer handing his wallet to Hotch because it had the room key in it, while he grabbed both bags.
The two made it to their room, and Reid dropped the bags on the dresser while Hotch went right into the bathroom, presumably to change.
Spencer changed in the room, and had settled into bed when Aaron came out of the bathroom in plaid pajama pants and a large gray shirt. He hopped right into bed, sliding under the covers and rolling right into Spencer’s personal space.
“Hey there.” Spencer giggled, shuffling so he was laid down by Aaron, bringing the older man into his chest.
“Hey yourself.” Aaron sniffed, tucking closer to Spencer. His legs were wrapped together, his arms grasping the back of Reid’s shirt.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Spencer said into Aaron’s dark hair. The man was very obviously tense all day, and although Spencer knew why, he didn’t want to speak about it without Aaron being on board.
Aaron stayed silent for a long time, so much so Spencer thought he had fallen asleep.
“Those boys looked just like Jack.” He piped up, sniffling slightly and burrowing closer.
“Aaron, Jack is safe and sound. He texted you from Jessica’s phone, remember?” Reid said just as softly, moving an arm to rub through Aaron’s hair and down his back.
“I know he did, and I know Jessica will keep him safe. But I can’t help but see him in every blond little boy we find.” Aaron was shaking slightly, his face screwed up.
“But it’s scary, I know, love. I see his face too, along with Henry and Michael. And I’m sure JJ does too. You’re not alone or weak because you’re scared. Do you want to text Jessica? I’m sure she’ll send a picture of him to you.” Spencer knew that had helped in the past, for both him, JJ, and Hotch.
“It’s too early, I’ll be okay. Could we maybe call him tomorrow though?” Aaron mumbled, slowly relaxing.
“Of course. Now, it’s late, baby. Go to sleep.” Spencer said quietly, reaching an arm behind his back to grasp at the button to turn off the side lamp. After successfully doing so, he wrapped both arms around Aaron, cuddling him close.
“Love you, Spence.” Spencer heard Aaron say softly, already mostly asleep.
“Love you too, lovely.”
———
A few hours later, almost four, Spencer woke up with a slow start. He cracked his eyes open and saw Aaron had rolled a little away from him, but they were still touching. It wasn’t light out yet, and he hadn’t heard anything. Why did he wake up?
Oh, maybe that’s why. His hand was slowly making its way across the bed spread, trying to feel anything, when it ran into something slightly cold.
“What the-“ Spencer mumbled, reaching for his phone and opening the screen, tilting it so the light would fall over the cold spot.
f*ck, it’s red.
Spencer did a quick scan of himself first, not feeling anything wrong. But when he looked closer at Aaron, he saw more of what he assumed was blood on his pants.
“Aaron, baby. Wake up.” Spencer shook Aaron softly, not aiming to startle him, but enough to wake him up.
“Wha’s going on, Spencer?” Hotch said, rousing from sleep gently.
“Are you okay, you’re bleeding.” Spencer said quickly, growing more and more confused. They weren’t in the field almost at all the day before, no place where Hotch could have scratched himself. Unless he cut himself on something in the station, but then why was it on the bottom of his pants?
Motherf*cker.
“sh*t!” Aaron yelped, his hand flying down to the front of his pants.
“f*ck, f*ck, f*ck! I’m so sorry, Spencer. It wasn’t supposed to be for another week. f*ck!” Aaron scrambled out of bed, looking over the bed to confirm his suspicions. After confirming that he indeed got his period a week before it was supposed to happen, the floodworks started.
“Baby, hey, hey it’s okay. I promise, it happens. Hey, Aaron-!” Aaron booked it for the bathroom, not even bothering to humor Spencer and listen to him. He shut the door in Spencer’s face, locking it and sitting on the toilet with his head in his hands. His figure was shaking, and tears were dripping through his hands and onto the ground. He was hyperventilating and could barely breathe.
How did he let this happen? How could he be so careless! He didn’t even have anything, no pads, not even a stray tampon! Much less anything else he’d need. f*ck, Spencer was going to hate him. He’d leave Aaron, then he’d leave the team and he’d never see him again, and Jack would lose his other father and Aaron would lose his rock and he couldn’t function without Spencer-
“Aaron! Please, baby, open the door. I promise I’m not angry, I just want to help!” Spencer was outside the door, jiggling the handle and tapping on the door. Aaron sniffed loudly, his hands squeezing his thighs tightly in some semblance of an effort to stop crying so hard.
Men don’t cry. They don’t get emotional. Men are iron, they don’t get hurt. They let things roll off their backs and they are the role model for their kids. What if the team saw him crying right now? They’d think he was weak, and that he couldn’t lead the team.
“AARON. Baby, I won’t be mad, you won’t be hurt, I promise. I have a clean pair of pants, and I brought a pad and tampon! I don’t know which you’d prefer, but I grabbed both. I grabbed a pair of underwear from your drawer too, and I brought one of my hoodies. I’ll leave them in front of the door, and I’ll sit on the bed with my back to the door if that’s what you want? Just calm down, my love. Listen to the sound of my voice, okay?” Spencer rambled outside the door, clearly panicking as well. Aaron startled when he slowly heard feet receding, because he didn’t know what would happen if he didn’t know where his boyfriend was.
“Stay.” Aaron gargled the leftover moisture in his mouth, attempting to lubricate his throat enough to talk again, pushing through his heavy breathing and stuttering sobs. Even though his entire body protested, he attempted to stand.
“Spence, I can’t stand, Spence.” Aaron said as loudly as his throat allowed, his hand gasping the counter for stability. His legs felt like jelly, and his pants felt like they weighed a million pounds. “Can you help me, Spence?” Aaron felt delirious.
“Shh, it’s okay, my love. Can you reach the lock? If you can’t, that’s okay. I can grab a pin to unlock it.” Spencer sounded like he was smiling, although he was clearly trying to sound relaxed.
“You do it.”
Hotch heard feet shuffling across the scratchy hotel carpet, growing fainter as rustling filled the stretched silence. Then he heard Spencer almost flying back, before he heard a rattling in the door handle, then a click of the lock releasing.
“Can I come in, love? I’ll close my eyes if you want?” Spencer said softly, one hand on the door and one holding the clothes.
“Mhm.” Hotch said, his head down with his eyes locked on the doorway.
Spencer slowly opened the door, and he felt his heart splinter in two.
Aaron was sitting on the toilet with one hand gripping his thighs and the other braced on the counter top. His black hair was a mess, and his face was red. His eyes were still glazed over, and they looked so sad and so scared. Terrified in a way Spencer had never seen his boyfriend.
“Can I touch you, Aaron?” Spencer said gently, setting the clothes on the sink and cracking the door behind him. He held his hands out in front of him, hoping he looked inviting.
A beat or two passed, before Hotch wailed, leaning forward until his face was in Spencer’s stomach, rubbing against his t-shirt.
Spencer fell to his knees so he could wrap his arms around Aaron, and Aaron tucked his face into his shoulder.
“My love.” Spencer whispered, his hands moving over Aaron’s back and up into his hair, applying pressure and urging Aaron to relax into his body.
“You hate me, Spence! I’m not enough of a man for you! I’m sorry-“ Aaron sobbed into Spencer’s shoulder, his hands scratching down the other man’s back.
“Hey, hey, no baby that’s not true, not in the slightest!” Spencer leaned back a bit so he could look Aaron in the eyes. He brought a hand to his chin, tilting it ever so slightly. He left one around Aaron for stability, and tightened it around him.
“You are and always will be enough of a man for me. And I could never ever hate you. There is nothing you could do to make me hate you. You could light my first edition of Frankenstein on fire, and I’d still love you. I might be mad, but I would never hate you or fall out of love with you!” Spencer exclaimed, his eyes boring into Aaron’s, yearning and hoping for it to harness into Hotch’s heart.
“But I-“ Aaron started, before he was cut off with Spencer placing a kiss on his nose, making him automatically scrunch his face up.
“No buts, my love. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing will make me think of you any less. I promise with my entire being.”
Aaron crumpled again, wrenching his face out of Spencer’s grip in favor of shoving it back in his neck.
“Okay.” Aaron sobbed, sniffling. He clearly didn’t believe it, but Spencer would take what he could get.
“Okay. Now, I think you should shower. Do you want my help, or not. I can stay in the bathroom, leave, even get in the shower with you. What do you feel comfortable with?”
“I- I don’t know if I can stand on my own. Can you get in with me, but not look? I mean, if not that’s fine-“
“Of course I can do that. Should I undress, or would you prefer me to keep some clothes on?” Spencer replied, relieved. He wouldn’t have pressured Aaron to let him stay of course, but he was glad that’s what he decided on. Aaron needed someone, and Reid wasn’t about to leave him alone.
“You can take off your clothes.” Aaron said, letting go slightly and scrubbing a hand down his face to rid it of lingering redness and tears.
“Okay, baby. I’m gonna stand up. Do you need help getting undressed?” Spencer asked, and he received an unsure nod in return. “That’s okay, I’ll help. I’m going to undress first, sounds good?”
While Spencer was getting undressed, Aaron was staring at the sanitary items Spencer had brought into the bathroom. Firstly, Aaron knew he hadn’t packed his usual sanitary pack, both because he wasn’t expecting a period this week and because he had had to pack his bag quickly after having to wash his normal duffle. And he had heard Spencer the entire time in the room, there was nowhere he could have gotten them.
“Spence, where did you find period products? I didn’t bring any-“ Aaron’s jaw dropped.
There was Spencer, in all his glory, with scars running across his chest and a neatly trimmed bundle of hair between his legs.
“I always carry some, my testosterone makes my periods irregular.” Spencer smiles cheekily, his arms limp at his sides and standing tall.
“You- I- what?” Aaron was speechless, utterly speechless. Slack jawed, on the floor.
“Yeah. I didn’t intend for it to be a secret. I just thought you knew, it’s in my file.”
“I didn’t read agent files when you joined, JJ did- does everyone know?” Hotch had a million questions, how did he not realize if Spencer wasn’t hiding it. If he looked back, Spencer kept the mini bathroom trash can under the sink, and you can’t see it without ducking under the sink. So of course he wouldn’t have noticed, and whenever he emptied it, he assumed it was his own wrappers. If he did that, Spencer probably did too.
“Well. I told JJ, and Elle when she was here. Gideon watched me go through it, even helped me get my first doses before I could afford it. Emily and Penelope figured out at different times, but the same way. Asked them both for a tampon in a pinch once.
Um, Derek just asked me one day, I think. It was after a case involving trans kids, and he saw how it affected me. It must have been when you were out for something, because you weren’t there. And I never told Rossi directly, but knowing him he probably figured it out. I know he knows because he likes bringing me chocolates during my periods, I swear he has a calendar of some sh*t.” Spencer told his mini coming out stories while slowly undressing Aaron.
He stood in the middle of the room, keeping Aaron steady with one arm while the other slowly pushed off his clothes. He started with his soiled pants, which had only grown worse the longer he had sat in them. He instructed Aaron to kick them into the corner, giggling when Aaron almost lost his balance and fell deeper into his embrace.
Aaron tensed up when it came time for his shirt. His boobs were his biggest insecurity, and he hated them. But Spencer purposefully started telling Aaron about Rossi and his suspected calendar, making the older man chuckle enough for the younger to pull his shirt up over his head in one foul swoop.
“Come on, jump in the shower, handsome.” Spencer said, pushing Aaron through the glass door with a little twirl. Aaron blushed steadily, hiding his reddening cheeks behind his hands. His elbows folded over his chest, covering it so Reid didn’t have to see them. Because they were terrible, large and covered in scratches. His ribs were tender and slightly bruised, so the rest of his chest was pale and dark green in places. He was so ugly-
“You better not be self deprecating over there, loverboy.” Spencer said from the outside of the shower, collecting their personal soaps.
“I-“ Aaron started. “-wasn’t at all.” Spencer knew that was a lie, because Aaron always slumped a little when he was deep in thought. Spencer thought it was honestly self conscious. If you weren’t looking for it specifically, you wouldn’t notice.
Spencer shook his head, grabbing a loofa and dropping it onto the shower floor. He set the soaps on the small corner shelf, and slid in behind Aaron, shutting the glass door and effectively closing them off from the outside world. He reached around Aaron’s still body to turn on the shower, waiting for it to warm before pulling the pull tab, letting the warm water fall directly onto Aaron.
Aaron turned, his head coming to rest on Spencer’s shoulder, letting his arms drop to his sides. Spencer let his arms wind around Aaron, bringing him closer to his chest. His hands slowly glided down his boyfriend’s back, subtly checking for gashes or evidence of bruised ribs. Spencer didn’t think Aaron would let it get that far, but repeated use in an active job may lead to extremities that were unpreventable.
Not finding anything, Spencer turned his attention back to Aaron. The older man had wrapped his arms around Spencer, his face tucked tight into his neck. His lips had found a point on Spencer’s neck, sucking on it slightly. That was also something Aaron did, give small hickeys that calmed him down so much Spencer could never say no.
“Aaron, my love. Can I wash your hair?” Spencer said softly, angling Aaron farther into the spray. He felt a nod against his shoulder, and he got to work.
Grabbing their favorite shampoo, Spencer lathered it between his hands, scrubbing it into Aaron’s black hair. He let the bubbles grow, running his hands through the strands. Tipping Aaron’s head back, he put his right hand onto Aaron’s forehead to block the spray, using his other hand to rinse the soap away.
“Spence.” Aaron murmured softly, looking up for the first time since Spencer stepped in the shower.
“Yeah, amore?”
“I think I can stand by myself now. Can you- maybe leave so I can wash my body. I- i just don't feel comfortable yet and i'm sorry, i should be okay soon-” Aaron started, his chin trembling and his eyes glazing over again.
“Hey, shh. Of course you can. You don’t have to apologize, and you don’t need to rush to be okay. I can get out.” Spencer shushed Aaron softly, brushing his thumb over his boyfriend’s furrowed brows. He wasn’t super keen on leaving, mostly because he knew Aaron would spiral. But anything Aaron wanted, he got. Spencer would watch and listen, but would leave him alone if that's what he wanted.
Aaron nodded, leaning into Spencer one more time and turning away, trusting Spencer to see himself out. And Spencer did just that. He stepped out of the shower, onto the bath mat. He reached for a towel to quickly dry himself off. He wasn’t terribly wet, mostly because he let most of the water hit Aaron.
He wrapped his towel around his waist, soldering out of the bathroom. He dug through his pile of clothes, dropping the towel in favor of comfy pajamas. He picked up his towel, throwing it onto the bed. He pulled the duvet and pillows off the bed, leaving just the sheets. He stripped off the sheets, wrapping his dirty towel in them, and placing them in a bunch in the corner of the room for the housekeeper to pick up later.
Just as he threw the pillows and duvet back on the bed did Aaron walk out of the bathroom. He was in his clean clothes, towel in his hand moving over his slowly drying hair. He threw the towel onto the dresser and came to stand in front of Spencer.
“Hi. How was the rest of your shower?” Spencer said softly, looking down slightly at Aaron. Said man shrugged, moving to wrap his arms around Spencer.
“Thank you, for everything you’ve done for me.” Aaron murmured against his lips, standing on his tiptoes to place a kiss on Spencer’s lips. Spencer reciprocated, slowly leading the two over to the side of the bed and pushing Aaron onto it. Aaron fell with a soft ‘oof’, smiling shyly. Spencer crawled over top of him, kissing him all over his face. His cheeks, forehead, nose, neck, then finally back to his lips.
He fell to the side of Aaron, using one arm to tug the blanket over their bodies. He dragged Aaron into his arms, urging him to turn over and rest his face in the younger’s neck.
“You’re welcome, my love. I love you so much. Will you need anything extra tomorrow, or well in a couple hours?” Spencer asked, finally having Aaron in a place they were both comfortable.
“You, and maybe a piece of chocolate cake from the store.” Aaron replied, easing out of the land of the living. His eyes fluttered against Spencer’s neck, his lips leaving small imprints.
“There’s a diner down the street from the police station. We can get a piece before we go.” Spencer said quietly, rubbing Aaron’s back and watching the man he loves fall asleep.
It was almost six at that point, so Spencer slowly reached for Aaron’s phone on the nightstand, opening it, and hissing softly at the bright fluorescent light. He quickly typed a message into the group chat in his best ‘Hotchner voice’, delaying their meeting time an hour. He clicked the phone off, gently setting it back on the nightstand and curling farther into Aaron. Aaron sniffled, adjusting his head in Spencer’s neck.
Spencer fell asleep, gently skating his hand down Aaron’s back.
In the morning, they left early to pick up a piece of chocolate cake and coffee for the team. The case finished that day, and they were on the jet by six. Spencer watched as Aaron cracked a rare smile when he beat Morgan at cards, patting his shoulder with a smirk when the younger man started pouting petulantly.
They got home around ten, and Spencer watched Aaron kiss his son’s head, tucking the blanket around the sleeping boy’s shoulders.
Aaron would eventually tell the team, and they would support him unconditionally. Because they loved him, ‘real man’ or not.
![Red Chrysanthemums - Justa_stroop - Criminal Minds (US TV) [Archive of Our Own] (2024)](data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAEAAAABCAQAAAC1HAwCAAAAC0lEQVR42mP8/h8AAvMB+NzmkbcAAAAASUVORK5CYII=)