"AITA for divorcing my wife after she refused to help me financially in difficult times?"
Leather-Aioli6981
I(30M) am divorcing my wife(30F) of 4 years because she did not help me financially when I needed it. I work in a very niche industry and last year or so has been really difficult due to market conditions. Many of my colleagues got laid off and so was I.
At the time, I had newly refurnished our home so I was in debt. My wife also works but she earned less than me back then. I went to her and asked if she can help me while I search for work.
I proposed that we should sell some of the gold that was given to us at the wedding. We live in Turkey and there is a tradition of giving gold to newlyweds to help them financially.
These are meant to be used during difficult times. She rejected the idea and said "I do not want to sell my gold". I tried to reason with her by saying closing the debt would greatly help us to have a more stable financial situation.
She refused and told me to sort it out myself somehow. I asked her to at least use some of her savings and I can pay it back. Context here is that I let her save most of her earnings while paying most of the things myself due to women being vulnerable to financial changes more than men here.
I wanted her to build her own savings and made sure to help her with the retirement account as well. I asked her to give me some of her savings for debt and I can pay her back once I sort myself out. She refused that, too.
This period had been extremely difficult for me. I fell into depression and contemplated my choices in life. Funny thing is everything was going great before this and I thought we would stay together through thick and thin.
My older sister helped me to pay the monthly installments during that time (god bless her soul). At the beginning of this year, I found a great job in the same industry and am thrilling right now.
I could not look at my wife in the same way after what happened and started divorce talks with a lawyer friend of mine. Last month, I let her know my decision and she was served with divorce papers soon after.
For her, apparently it was an unexpected thing and she was shocked. She tried to talk me out of it but I was firm in my decision. Families tend to be involved with each other here and that was the case for us too.
She put families in between as mediators but I do not want to be married to someone who'll not help me during difficult times, especially when I was considering their financial well-being.
Most of my family supports my decision though they would like me to reconsider it if possible. I know every other thing is without a problem but I cannot get over what happened. AITA here?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
JaguarZealousideal55
NTA. After marriage, there is only "we". We have his income and her income, and we choose to spend them like THIS. In your case, to build the wife's savings. But when "we" that is, the unit that is the family of 2, gets a lower income, then we need to decide how we are solving it together.
She refused that. So she opted out of belonging to a family unit together with OP. The divorce is a logical conclusion of what she already chose to do.
TheSideburnState
NTA. You don't have a partner, you have a person who's fun to spend time with when things are good but is nowhere to he found when something happens.
DragonfruitFlaky4957
Standard position from people that a man's value is only what he can provide. She showed you that was her position. You are better off moving on.
firstman0
NTA. Marriage is through “thick and thin”. She sounds selfish and doesn’t care about you too much. I’d never be able to trust her again to have my back.
Tight-Shift5706
This right here OP. She's never been your true "partner ". She was a sham. Make certain you receive 50% of EVERYTHING--including the accounts that you encouraged her to put extra in. She figuratively killed the goose who laid the golden egg!
Kopitar4president
OP should ensure he gets half the gold too. Not for the monetary value but to make a point.
The OP responded here:
Leather-Aioli6981
I think it's not possible. There was only one case of it but legal courts see it as the possession of bride according to my lawyer friend.
Kittytigris
Just tell her family what happened. She refuses to be family when you need help and only thought of herself. You are not interested in a selfish person for a wife. She doesn’t see you as her husband, only an ATM machine. NTA.
wlfwrtr
NTA Marriage is supposed to be a partnership in the good times as well as the bad. She didn't seem to be a partner at any time. While you were trying to look out for her during good times for you to make sure she was set if she ever encountered bad times she took advantage of it, squirreling away her money.
When bad times arose for you she refused to be there for you. She doesn't want to be a partner, she only wants to be on the receiving end.
So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
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FAQs
Walkaway wife syndrome develops progressively, beginning with an emotional departure by the wife due to perceived unmet needs or persistent dissatisfaction. Over time, this may lead to altered behaviors like reduced communication, withdrawal from shared activities and increased focus on individual interests.
Does a husband have to support his wife financially? ›
Spousal Support: Not all cases involve support from one spouse to the other. The obligation of one spouse to support the other financially for a temporary or permanent basis is decided on a case-by-case basis as agreed to by the parties or at the court's discretion.
Who suffers more financially after divorce? ›
Despite their best efforts to arrive at an equitable agreement, financial disparities between spouses after divorce are a reality for some couples. There is a good body of research on the subject that shows women bear the heaviest financial burden when a couple divorces.
How do you know when your wife is done with you? ›
8 signs your wife doesn't love you anymore
- Do you feel that everything may be too quiet lately? ...
- She has her own plans. ...
- She no longer says that very important three-letter word. ...
- New privacy rules will surface. ...
- Too much focus on her appearance. ...
- You feel unwanted. ...
- She seems irritated with you.
Walkaway Spouse Syndrome, colloquially known as “neglected spouse syndrome,” unfolds when a spouse decide to part ways with their significant other without any prior warning, leaving a trail of unanswered questions. Why would a spouse opt for an abrupt divorce instead of exploring alternatives like couples therapy?
What is a silent divorce? ›
A silent divorce, also known as emotional divorce, is a gradual and often unnoticed separation between couples. It's where the intimacy, love, and connection that once bound two people together slowly erodes, leaving them feeling more like roommates than romantic partners.
What to do when your wife doesn't support you? ›
Here are seven different ways for you to think and act so you don't feel so hurt.
- Change your perspective to include your partner. ...
- Draw from Recovery concepts. ...
- Think about how your partner does 'support' you in other ways. ...
- Allow your partner to disagree. ...
- Build your network of social support.
Seek Counseling and Financial Help
Seeking the help of a financial advisor who understands your goals and financial situation is a great way for you and your partner to confront the issues plaguing your marriage. An advisor can help you develop a budget and a plan to pay down any debts that need attention.
Can my husband leave me with nothing in divorce? ›
It tends to be motivated by power and control, and there is no scenario in which this is legal. Though people may think they can get away with it, there's no loophole that would allow it. If your spouse has put you in a position where you can't access your finances, you need to go to court right away.
Who is happier after a divorce? ›
A study by Kingston University in the UK found that despite the negative financial impact of divorce on women, they are generally happier than men after divorce.
Men Often Experience a Loss of Identity
But when a divorce happens, men lose most of it – the spouse, the children, the familial bond, and the happiness. The custody of the children is often given to the mother, while the father only gets the visitation rights.
Who fares worse in divorce? ›
Economic quality of life. Ultimately, the overall economic quality of a man's life, based on earnings and amount spent on living expenses, increases after his divorce. He continues to earn more but bears fewer family expenses. The overall economic quality of a woman's life, post-divorce, decreases.
How do you know if your wife has given up on you? ›
6 Signs Your Wife Doesn't Love You Anymore
- Lack of intimacy.
- There is constant conflict.
- Signs of contempt.
- You're not communicating at all.
- She's having an affair.
- You're not spending time together.
What does real trouble look like?
- There's no emotional connection. ...
- Communication breakdown. ...
- Aggressive or confrontational communication. ...
- There's no appeal to physical intimacy. ...
- You don't trust them. ...
- Fantasising about others. ...
- You're not supporting each other and have different goals. ...
- You can't imagine a future together.
Here are ten signs your marriage is worth saving, according to experts.
- You're tormented with doubt about leaving. ...
- Strain on the relationship can be attributed to the kids. ...
- You still feel respected in the marriage. ...
- You're both willing to put in the work. ...
- You can't picture your life without each other.
Key signs of a toxic marriage include a lack of trust, constant criticism, manipulation, control, disrespect, and a lack of emotional or physical support.
What are the symptoms of angry wife syndrome? ›
These symptoms are periodic outbursts of unprovoked anger, marital maladjustment, serious suicide attempts, proneness to abuse of alcohol and drugs, a morbidly oriented critical attitude to people and a contrary obsessive need to excel in all endeavors, with an intense need for neatness and punctuality.
What is lonely wife syndrome? ›
There's a term for this: walkaway wife syndrome. This term is sometimes used to describe instances where a spouse – often the wife – has felt alone, neglected, and resentful in a deteriorating marriage and decides it's time to end it.
Can you fix walkaway wife syndrome? ›
Klapow says. "That's why seeking marital therapy from a licensed, experienced professional is crucial. As much as you may want to try and fix it yourself, very often, having a trained third person to facilitate discovery and problem solving is critical to the survival of the relationship."
